plus im high and chillin hard as fuck, jammin out to the sleeping with sirens station on pandora. its quite nice. oh and i miss hunter.
sup bitchessss.[: its been awhile since ive wrote some dumb shit soooo here i go.
welp, the woe is me show is tomorrow and im tooooo hype! in fear and faith and texas in july will be there as well as my niggaz beyond the victory.[[: im riding with my friend brady, and my cousin will be riding with my stalker. -_-
okay, he’s not reallly a stalker but he’s crazy obsessed with me. i thought i liked him at first but then i realized that i only liked him bc he likes me. no bueno. he’s a really nice guy but we just wouldnt work. and i cant force myself to like someone even though everyone thinks we’d be “perfect” together. for one he’s straight edge. NOT going through that shit again, jus sayin. two, he’s creepy. three, he reminds me of
david and not in a good way so yeah.. fuck that. plus, im kinda chill with being single right now. its nice not having someone control me..
besides that.. im doing pretty good. hopefully ill be getting the job with amazon.com so ill be making mad $$$bank. my birthday was monday so now im 19. which trips me the fuck out. time goes by too fast for my comprehension. im in my last year of teenage hood. and im scared of getting old. idk why, the thought of being like 30 freaks me out.. ill probably cry that year on my birthday. my birthday was sweet though.. it showed me who actually gives a fuck about me and who doesnt.. and alot more people do than i realized so it made me feel good inside. there wasnt like a ridiculous amount of people that made an effort to even tell me happy birthday (including my father) but the ones that did made it special.<3
hmm, i have court on the 15th for getting in trouble at josh’s party. charged with possession and i didnt even have anything on me. swear. i didnt even get high that night. ugh i hope it gets dropped.. i promised myself i wouldnt get in trouble after i turned 18 and i get caught up at the wrong place at the wrong time. its whatever, i’d take responsibility for my actions if i was there longer than 15 minutes but i wasnt sooo fuuuuck that. the 15th is going to be a bad day for me.. its the day my good friend ashley passed away last year from drowning. ugh its crazy that shes already been gone a year. but later that day me and cortney are going to see of want &misery because our friend cam is the vocalist and since its cortneys first show he’s giving her our tickets free!<3 word sauce im stoked for it so hopefully itll make that day better for me.[:
the 19th is my oldest brothers birthday, he passed away four years ago. a bunch of his friends wanna get together at my house and have a party type jank for him. it makes me happy that he hasnt been forgotten by his friends. i miss him alot, he’d be 32 this year. fuckin old man.<3 lol he’d probably be freaking out bc he’s old like i would. i wish he could see me now, all the lessons ive learned and the person ive grown to be. im not quite grown yet, but im alot more mature/responsible than i used to be. with better morals and a wiser mind. im actually somewhat proud of the person i am today. lol who woulda thought. <.<
i cant stop thinking about you, and its driving me crazy.
you have a
girlfriend, and shes really lucky to have you.. i just wish you were mine.
i wish i could understand you better.
i wish i knew your opinion/view of me.
it sucks that you care about “not hurting her” yet, you hurt me.
we’re like bestfriends, plus we
do things so why cant we be together?
you confuse the
fuck out of me.
i hate how when its just me and you, im all there is and it doesnt even feel like you have a
but when we’re around your friends, you have a girlfriend again.
could make you happy. i could make you whole
care about your girlfriend so much, how can you fuck me?
and its not like this has happened just once, or twice even, but its happened
multiple times and its been happening since like october.
could you just like, be with me, stop fucking with my fucking head,
or leave me alone. please.
youre a really good guy, but of course thats why i cant have you.
maybe if i stopped having
sex with you, you would stop hanging out with me.
and if you dont want anyone to find out, dont do it.
pretty fucking simple to me, specially considering the town we live in, is gossip fucking central. honestly i could care less if people found out, not that im going to tell anyone.
maybe your ashamed of
me, or the idea of us being together is embarassing.
maybe you dont even like me at all.
maybe i should just
not like you anymore, and step the fuck back into reality. maybe you shouldnt cheat on your girlfriend.
maybe i should think about the fact that if it was me you were
cheating on, i would kill you.
and what makes me think that if you “
love” her (yet you cheat, a lot) that you wouldnt do that to me.
why did you have to be the one that helped mend my goddamn broken heart.
because instead of thinking about how much it hurts to be without
david every single second of every single goddamn day, you came along, and i finally started to be okay and get over him, because then, i started thinking about you.
why am i a dumbass.
happy death year.(: